8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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