Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
