so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
