I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
