Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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