you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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