well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
