I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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