Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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