So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
