You're my little dorito
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
