I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
