Plan B is the new Plan A
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
