either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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