Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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