you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
