at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
