she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
