when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
