His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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