If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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