I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pants are for mortals
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
