So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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