Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
