ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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