ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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