it was like eating out sand paper
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
