Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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