I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
