8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
