Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let's get the cat blown out
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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