If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
