I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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