Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
