guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
