Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
