Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
