If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
