She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And then he peed in my hair
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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