u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
