is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
