I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
