if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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