Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
