The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
