you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
