I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
