so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
