Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
