I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
